RE: A Dude Named Alice

Kenogirl — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 15:39:47 GMT

What a beautiful story, and it is a beautiful memorial to your lost loved ones.

All of the members here can understand and appreciate your grief, and you have every right to grieve and mourn your losses.

RE: A Dude Named Alice

cats_dolls — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 14:45:08 GMT

Irisha, that is one of the most beautiful stories I have ever heard! I'm sitting here crying as I share your pain.

It was one year ago today that I lost my beautiful "torbie" (tortoiseshell with tabby markings) Scottish Fold, Phyllis. She was 11 years old, and we'd just lost her half-sister a few months earlier. I still ache for her, but it does get better.

You earned your grief. By that, I mean that you can only grieve to the extent that you cared. Give yourself permission to have those feelings, and give yourself time to work through. And please keep writing beautiful stories!

A Dude Named Alice

irisha — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 11:50:33 GMT

A Dude Named Alice

Although, he was not the first male ever with the name of Alice, it was a tough name to grow up with. Alice Cooper also had to endure the name and became a famous rock star in spite of this social hindrance. And even though he shared the name, I always associated him with Arlo Guthrie and the song Alice’s Restaurant. It became our song, mainly because of when we first met.

Our first encounter was on the eve of Thanksgiving in the year 2000. An old and dear friend introduced us and we became buddies almost immediately. He was high strung, and very uncomfortable around most people. He was too thin and very nervous, much like someone on crack. Despite his antisocial behavior and other personality problems, I liked him. He appeared to me as someone I could get along with very well, despite his dysfunction.

It took him time to trust me. At some point in his life, prior to meeting me he was not treated well and the emotional scares would always be there. He was one of few words, but when he had something to say, there was never a misunderstanding. Over time, we grow closer and closer.

I worried about his weight and health, but over time he filled out and became muscular and strong. His face was always handsome and when his body recovered from the stress he had been under prior to our meeting, he was magnificent. He gained self-confidence and it became apparent in his body language. He began to walk with pride and grace, but he was still the strong and silent type. And very few women could help being attracted to him.

As our friendship grew, I knew that he would always have a place in my heart that no one else would ever be able to fill. I loved him, but we were both in relationships. I was happily married and his girlfriend was his true love, his soul-mate. We never discussed it because we both knew that we would never leave our partners. But there was an unspoken bond between us. We both loved others but could not help loving each other.

We began to see each other in secret. Neither of us wanted to lose our partners but we needed to be together. It started subtly. He would kiss me when no one was looking. He was always very careful not to show affection in front of others. This was also the case with his girlfriend, Dana. If she was around, he would wait to kiss her when he thought that no one was watching. I think that he was afraid that kindness would be mistaken for weakness. And for him, that was never an option. He had to be strong always.

Time went on and he would start showing up in the morning after my husband left for work. He would sneak in an open door or window and wake me up in the morning. This became a regular thing, usually 3 or 4 times a week. He would lightly touch my face to get me to wake up. We would stay in bed for an hour or so before I had to get up for work. And he often would sit on the edge of the bathtub while I bathed and sometimes get into the water with me. This relationship went on for years.

He would rarely come around when my husband was home and if he did, his stay would be brief. He did seem to like my husband but thought that our relationship should always stay covert and discrete. I have no doubt that my husband was aware, maybe not to the degree of what was really going on or how often, but never spoke of it. They remained friends and continued a civil relationship.

His girlfriend also must have been aware of our relationship, but never said a word about it to either of us. She was beautiful and truly the kindest soul I had ever met. The guilt I felt was mostly for her feelings. But somehow she seemed to except him for what he was. She did not display any jealousy or insecurities about the two of us in the many years that we were friends. She was truly better then any person I had ever met and I knew that I would never have him to myself. I understood his love for her and could not compete with such a giving and loving soul. I admired her greatly and even aspired to be more like her.

Our encounters went on for years. I couldn’t image not having him around. His warm body was always something I looked forward to waking up next to in the morning. His kisses were sweet and sincere. There was no doubt that he loved me as much as I loved him, although he never spoke the words.

One day, he didn’t show up for our morning visit. I assumed that he had just been busy and thought that I would see him the next day. Then the news arrived, he had passed away. I was crushed. He had drowned in a small body of water, near my house. It appeared to be some type of freak accident. He was buried shortly after that.

My depression suffocated me. I did not want to get out of bed and medicated myself for days to try to block the pain. My secret love was gone. There was no one who would understand our relationship and hence no one to talk to about losing such a great love. Everyone knew we were close but no one knew just how close. The tears flowed for days. I could not be comforted.

His girlfriend was worse. She sat at his grave for hours at a time. I should have tried to provide her some support, but I was too distraught myself to comfort anyone else. The last time I saw her, she was lying on the grass next to his grave and I left her there to lock myself away and cry. Once again I medicated myself and went to bed. A few hours later, I was awakened by my husband with the news that her body was found next to the pool of water that he had drowned in.

They could not say for sure what had caused her death, but suspected that she had suffered a heart attack. I believe that she died from a broken heart. She loved him even more then I did and could not live without him. Soon after, she was buried next to him.

My pain remains. I lost two of my best friends in less then a week. I continue to cry for them everyday. I can only take comfort in the fact that will be together always, as it was meant to be. They were soul-mates in life and remain soul-mates in death. Although, my love for both of them was a powerful one, it paled in comparison for their love for each other. And as the time slowly passes, I try to consoled myself with the knowledge that they are together for eternity and I was fortunate to know them both. They will both live forever in my broken heart.

In loving memory of

Alice - Feline, age 8, 23 lbs.

May 20, 2008

And

Dana - Canine, German Shepard, age 9, 90 lbs.

May 23, 2008

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