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Junior Member
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Last Login: 12/16/2008 2:49:43 PM
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My name's Alex Min, and i got my cat around late June. His name was Toki and he was a Manx with no tail and was polydactyl (extra finger on front paws). I adopted him from a shelter and he was the first kitten i ever had.
When i first got Toki the only thing i was worrying about was what to name him. I went on various websites looking for anything. Being of korean descent I decided to look at a korean-american dictionary website. I types in Rabbit b/c when i first got Toki his back legs where so long and he hopped everywhere, it resembled a rabbit so much. Well, Rabbit in korean is Toki so i I decided to name him that.
The most momorable things about Toki were that whenever i got home from school he'd hear me opening the door and run and be there right when i walked in. Sometimes he would be downstairs in my moms room or roaming around and all i would do is whistle and he would come running to me. WHenever i did homework either on my bed or at my computer table he would lay as close as possible to my and go on my books and sit on them and just stare at me for attention. Also, when ever i slept no matter what he slept with me. I could go to sleep and 7pm or 4 am hed still always lay near me. He favorite spot was this long pillow that i had, hed always jump up on the bed let me pet him then go to the pillow purr really load and paw at the pillow.
I still remember when i first got Toki he was so frightened he just ran under my bed immediatly and hid inside the structure of the bed and the only way i could get him out was by putting the food near me.
well....
Three days ago my mom took Toki to the vet and found out that he may have FIP, a very rare and always fatal cat disease. They took blood samples and told us that wed find out the next day whether he had it or not. The next day i didnt go to school and spent the whole day with him. Iwas just expecting that it was a cold and hed be better. My vet called and confirmed that he had FIP. I guess i didnt believe it cause i just layed with my cat and watched a movie and it wasnt untill i got a call from my aunt. She told me that Fip was a very bad disease and that Toki was suffering. There was a mention of Euthinizing Toki. I couldnt hold it in and started crying with my head curled in my arms on top of Toki just crying. Well then I took Toki to the vet with my mom and my aunt and talked to the vet. Thats when he told us the best thing for Toki was to put him down. I could not hold the tears in and i was crying uncontrollably, when he put the need in to calm Toki down he just layed and looked so drugged but relaxed. I held him in my arms crying untill the vet told me it was time. He shaved Tokis arm and i couldn't watch as he put the needle in and toki but i new i needed to hold him on last time. So i picked him up and just held him crying as Toki died in my arms. I put Toki down on the Towel and i cried there for at least 30 minutes with my amrs curls and head down on top of him the same way as at my house. It was the saddest ive ever been in my life.
It is the hardest thing ever. He was only 6 months old and i just dono what to do, i feel so lonely and depressed. I promised Toki that i would take care of him all his life and now hes just gone. I keep thinking he'll be there looking at me everyroom i enter. Toki was my best friend and i expected to live with him through highschool college and even move out with him. I cant hold in the tears and it hurts sooo bad. Anything i used to do Toki would be there with me and now im all alone. I called my aunt an hour ago cause i needed someone to talk to and she talked to me and helped me alot, she told me i should look for some forums and just talk to people that experienced the same thing as me. My whole family says theyll take me and get a new cat but i wont ever find a cat that looked up to me and seeked me as toki did and never with the same unique attributes as toki. I just dont understand why he had to go Now, at such an early age, all i wish for is one mroe day with him and so feel his warmth again. I cant sleep study or anything cause hes not there i dono what to do..
no matter what anytime i look at Toki in this picture I cant hold the tears in.
This is the most recent photo 11/29/08
some others
RIP TOKI 12/09/08
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Supreme Being
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I think Toki was a wonderful name for your kitty. It seems to suit him well.
It's very hard losing a pet, a best friend. I had a feline leukemia positive cat that passed away in Feburary. He was very special, just like your Toki. And it hurt for a long time that he was gone. I cried a lot, sometimes I couldn't sleep, I even thought about seeking professional counseling to help with my grief.
Then one day, I woke up, and my heart didn't hurt quite as bad. Oh, the pain was still there- even today I occasionally have a twinge of sadness when I talk about his death- but I felt stronger. I felt like I could take a step towards recovery. I finally felt like it was okay to start to let go.
I will never forget my Leo. He was like a child to me in a time when I couldn't have children. He was my strength and helped to hold my relationship together. In loving memory of my Leo, I am working on creating a website educating people about feline leukemia, and explaining how to live with a feline leukemia positive cat. I have gotten a lot of support from my friends here on Cat Channel during my time of grief and relating to creating the website.
Just know that as long as you remember the good times you had with Toki, he will never truly be gone. Toki will live on in your heart forever. Toki is waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge right now, and when you are old and gray, and it becomes your time to pass on, Toki will be there to greet you, and the two of you will cross the Rainbow Bridge to Heaven's Meadow together. There, you will be forever reunited playing with catnip toys and feather wands with each other for eternity.
We are here for you, in any way you may need, Alex.
Got Facebook? Join my group, FeLV Advocate, and support pro-life beliefs for feline leukemia cats!
[url=http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/group.php?gid=116465280021&ref=ts][/url]
<a href="http://dragcave.net/view/aVYT"><img src="http://dragcave.net/image/aVYT.gif" style="border-width: 0" alt="Adopt one today!"/></a>
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Junior Member
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Last Login: 12/16/2008 2:49:43 PM
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thank you so much, it helps so much hearing from someone that knows exactly how i feel, i feel so much better then before i woke up today went to school for the first time since its happened and my friend showed me this video he had of Toki when i first got him. It was Toki's first time out of my room and he was just exploring. It felt so good just watching the good times i had with him. and i think the idea of raising awareness and find more out about various diseases is a great idea. another thing i wanted to ask is did u ever get a new cat after leo? cause i mean i think i can get one but I'm just so scared i'll get hurt again and that there will never be another Toki.
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Supreme Being
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Alex,
Yes, I did get another cat after Leo passed away, but it wasn't for many months. A lady I work with was fostering some kittens and a mama for the local humane society. I went over to her house to watch the kittens play and thought I might like one of them. But I was still pretty torn up over leo's death, so I wasn't so sure. About a week later, I brought my fiance over to her house and he liked the same kitten I did- and I didn't even tell him the one I was interested in.
So, a few weeks later, when he was old enough to be adopted, we brought Pharaoh home. He's a lot like Leo in that he likes to get into trouble. The only difference is Leo was a bit smarter and didn't do the same things over and over again to get in trouble.
It was difficult the first month or so after adopting Pharaoh. I kept expecting him to be almost exactly like Leo because they both were so much alike already. Obviously this didn't happen, and even though I miss how smart Leo was (I swear there was a human brain inside that cat!) I love my Pharaoh very much.
I would certainly encourage you to adopt another kitten/cat (there are lots of senior cats that need homes too, and sometimes they are better than kittens because you don't have to worry about them being as mischievous as they have grown out of that.). But don't run out tomorrow and get one. Believe me, it will not ease your pain. You will know when it is the right time to adopt. Your heart will tell you when it has healed enough to allow more room for another furry angel to come in.
Got Facebook? Join my group, FeLV Advocate, and support pro-life beliefs for feline leukemia cats!
[url=http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/group.php?gid=116465280021&ref=ts][/url]
<a href="http://dragcave.net/view/aVYT"><img src="http://dragcave.net/image/aVYT.gif" style="border-width: 0" alt="Adopt one today!"/></a>
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Junior Member
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Last Login: 12/16/2008 2:49:43 PM
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I totally get wat u mean. I am so scared that if i get a cat it wont be like Toki. I mean Toki was my first kitten and i could never have been more happy. Everyone would say how handsome and how cool my cat was. I really want another cat but i just dono i just miss TOki so much right now.
U should show me some pictures of Your cats =)
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Member
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Last Login: 4/24/2009 11:28:27 PM
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Hi Alex,
I am so sorry Toki couldn't have been with you longer. He was an extra special cat. Sometimes it's so hard to see why our beloved pets can't live longer. About 4 years ago my sister took my Senegal Parrot outside and he got scared of my Grandma's dog. I told her not to take him out because he needed his wings clipped, I could not get Sidney to come back he just kept flying higher and higher. I looked for him for 3 days i left his cage outside, I missed work, finally i put an ad in the news paper and a little boy found him dead on the sidewalk.
I cried and cried over losing Sidney. He was such a cuddly bird, I had taught him his colors and he could pick out the "pink bead" when i asked him to find the pink one or the green "bead". Sidney and i spent most of our time together. This was such hard time for me and so hard to understand. Through it all I made some friends with people who have 7 parrots & i get to go to special bird events that i would never get to go to. They are such good friends to have.
My mom was allergic to Sidney and he had to live at my grandmas house. Later i got a red bellied parrot and my mom is not allergic to him. Since then i was able to get a double headed amazon (a rescue) and my mom now has 3 parrots of her own. My mom is only allergic to certain birds and we would have never known if it were not for Sidney. Sidney gave me so much even after he passed away.
About a week ago my outdoor rescue cat was hit and killed, Its been a very hard week. Gracie was an extremely loving cat, she would even stand on the railing on the back porch and rub up under my hand while i unlocked the back door. I live on corner and she would go for a walk with me on the side street we live on, Gracie would follow for the entire walk, everyone thought it was so funny. Gracie lived with me for 6 years she had injury to the left side of her head and a broken leg somehow she made it to my back door which was quite a ways. I totally lost it when i saw her. There has only been one day in the last week that i didn't see a dead cat while driving, one day i even saw a lady getting scooping a dead cat into a sack every time cried. I don't know why i had to see so many dead cats, i've never even seen someone remove a cat from the road until the other day. Perhaps it was to let me know i am not alone never the less I felt like i was stuck in a really bad dream. I can never replace Gracie or Sidney they both brought so much love and happiness into my life, but i have to realize they would want me to be happy. So I have decided to get a little kitten, i choose a special breed because i want her stay inside & i need to be careful for the safety of my parrots. They have been around cats but have to make sure my kitten won't hunt them so I choose a Ragdoll Kitten. I wont have her until the day after Christmas but here is a picture of her. Take Care, I'll be thinking of you.
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Member
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Last Login: 4/24/2009 11:28:27 PM
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Junior Member
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Last Login: 12/16/2008 2:49:43 PM
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im so sorry about Sidney and Gracie. I really dont understand why these random hardships come at the worsttimes. what you were saying about seeing all those cats in the road, the same day Toki left my brother got in a car accident and my family just was in chaos. Thats sooo great that your getting another cat and it looks like a really cool kitty.
Yesterday my aunt called me and asked if i wanted to get another cat this saturday ,but when she asked i just got this really wierd feeling in my gut and it was hard for me to reply. I dono if im ready for another cat but knowing that another person is able to be strong enough to get another one. especially after u had Gracie for 6 years. That helps a lot and id really consider it. THanks SO much.
-alex-
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Supreme Being
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| Toki - broken hearts stretch as they heal, to make room for you to love again. You will one day, but only you will know when the time is right. Your aunt wants to help you and that's great, but you don't have to go get another cat immediately - take some time to heal if you need. She'll understand, and she'll take you another time if you'd rather. But if you feel OK, go look at some kitties. You'll always have Toki with you in your heart, no cat can or will take his place. Another cat will make his own place!
Cats_Dolls  
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Supreme Being
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Toki,
I am so sorry you lost your buddy. I know it hurts like the devil, but you took good care of him and gave him love and a good home.
Please know that you made the right decision to not let him suffer.
Momcat
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